He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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