My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
