did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
