She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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