once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
