Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
