how can u be prego again
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
