The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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