Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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