Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
