Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
