My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
