Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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