Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
