I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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