No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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