I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
