Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
