your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
