Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
