And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
