I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
