In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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