Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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