Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
