You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Even my vagina gasped.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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