This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize