I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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