please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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