Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
