I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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