tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
