4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
