I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Randomize
