Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize