I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
