He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize