I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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