is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
