yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
