And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
