Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
