I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When are your genitals available?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize