Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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