She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
