Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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