The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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