can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
