At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
