great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
