1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
