WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
