If that was your dad, he is hot
Nicole vs. Life
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
