Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
