Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
