Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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