hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize