Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
