So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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