I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
no, he came in my armpit
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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