he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
