I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
