What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
