Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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