woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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