you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well you can't waste a boner
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
