I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
