I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
