my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
