i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
