I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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