I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize