it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
