So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
