Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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