??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm having to shit out rocks
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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