just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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