dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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