I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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