I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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