Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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