Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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