You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
