im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
