the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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