Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
